By Joshua Vise – July 30, 2025

Published in the anthology First Folio by CultureCult Press. Lulu: Paperback or EPUB

INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY A semicircle of chairs are in the center of the stage. JACOB, LESLIE, and KAREN stand at the back, mingling and snacking on coffee and cookies laid out on a small table. Karen is constantly smiling. HOLLY and MAX walk into the room.  Leslie and Max are clearly  serious people.  She is dressed smartly is a power suit, while Max wears a black turtleneck and thin rimmed glasses.  He speaks with a pompous, heavily affected accent.

MAX
Okay everyone.  Let’s take our seats, we’re about to begin.

Max sits at the edge of the semicircle, with Jacob, Leslie, and Karen taking places beside him.  Holly stands at the other end of the semicircle.

HOLLY
Welcome to the weekly meeting of “Fighting our Feelings”.  Fighting our Feelings is a support-group for those suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and is a free service provided by the regional institute of mental health with support from other local health service providers.  Membership is open to anyone.  My name is Holly Madison, and as a licensed psychologist, I am here to provide guidance and treatment options.  Our group moderator is Maxwell Steiner.

MAX
Thank you, Holly, and before we continue, I’d just like to point out that Jacob has been with our group for five years today.  Let’s hear it for Jacob.

The group smiles and applauds.  Jacob nods contentedly.

MAX (CONT’D)
Remember everyone, treating PTSD is a lifelong endeavor, and whether you’ve been here for five years like Jacob (gestures to him), or two months like Karen (gestures to her), our goal is to manage our feelings.  We control our emotions by being emotional.

HOLLY
Thank you, Max.  Jacob, why don’t you begin today.

Jacob stands.

JACOB
Okay.  It’s really been wonderful being a member of this group for so long.  It feels like only yesterday that I just came back from my last deployment in Afghanistan.  Just the other day, some members of my platoon and I met at the VFW hall.  We had a few beers and talked, but we didn’t need to talk about the war.  It was just really normal stuff.  Baseball.  Work.  We laughed a lot.  It was wonderful.

Jacob sits.

HOLLY
Thank you, Jacob.  Let’s all thank him for sharing.

GROUP
Thank you, Jacob.

HOLLY
I’m proud of your success, Jacob, but remember that alcohol can produce negative emotions, so please be careful to drink in moderation.

MAX
That’s right, Holly.  (Dramatically, to the group) We care by being careful.

The group oohs at this profound statement.  Leslie stands.

HOLLY
Yes, Leslie.

LESLIE
I just want to say that I’m really happy for Jacob.  It’s been just over six months since Tom passed away, and for the longest time I couldn’t even look at his picture.  But yesterday, I went through our wedding photo album, and focused on the good times.  It was a really powerful experience.  Even though I still miss him a lot, he can continue to be a part of my life.  Thank you.

She sits down.  The group applauds.

HOLLY
Excellent, Leslie.  You’ve had a real breakthrough.

MAX
Definitely.  Just remember, we learn to love by loving to love loving.  Jacob, can you recite article 5 in our Fighting our Feelings manual?

Jacob stands.

JACOB
Only the feelings we choose to feel are the feelings we feel.

The group oohs again.  Quiet statements of agreement from the group.  Karen stands.

KAREN
The first time the alien craft landed in my backyard to implant the replicant chip under my skin, I felt powerless to stop them. I’ve since realized that standing next to the microwave interferes with their alpha wave patterns.  I’m taking back control of my life!

She sits.

MAX
Uh…right.

HOLLY
Karen, we went through this before.  What did we say last week?

KAREN
(sheepishly) That no squid monsters from the planet Xylon invaded my flower garden.

HOLLY
And how do we know this?

KAREN
Because they don’t exist.

HOLLY
That’s right.  The mind is a powerful thing, capable of creating experiences that may feel real.  But it is also capable of tricking us.  What did we say last week, Jacob?

JACOB
(beaming to the group) We have to learn to identify reality in order to improve.

MAX
Excellent.  We can improve ourselves by improving the self that is ourself.

Again, oohs from the group.  A door opens at the side of the stage, and DONNA, the secretary, steps in.

DONNA
I’m sorry to interrupt you Holly, but we have a new member of the group.

HOLLY (Excitedly)
Oh, excellent!

MAX
How exciting!

DONNA
He’s out in the hallway.  I’ll bring him in.  I think he’s a little nervous.

She steps out, and reenters with GIGGLES.  GIGGLES is dressed in a full clown suit, bright red wig, and is wearing lots of facepaint.  He walks in dejectedly.  Karen jumps out of her seat.

KAREN
It’s a replicant!

JACOB
Calm down, Karen!

Holly and Max stand and rush to Giggles’s side, ushering him into a seat.  Giggles starts to sob.

GIGGLES
I think I have a problem!

A chorus of empathetic ‘oohs’ emanates from the group.

HOLLY
There there.  You came to the right place.  You’re with friends now.  Isn’t that right, everyone.

GROUP
That’s right.  Of course!

HOLLY
What’s your name?

GIGGLES (Still sobbing)
Giggles.

Jacob scoffs, visibly miffed that some of his thunder has been stolen.

MAX
You said you have a problem, Giggles.  What do you feel, is your problem?

GIGGLES
I don’t wanna be a clown anymore!

Again, awwws of sympathy from the group.  Jacob crosses his arms.

JACOB
So take off the clown suit.

HOLLY
It’s just not that simple, Jacob.  We all need time to transition.

MAX (Dramatically)
Remember, it doesn’t matter if we change the clown on the outside if we can’t get past the clown within.

Nods of agreement from the group.  Giggles sits at the center of the semicircle.

LESLIE
I think that says it all.

JACOB
What does that even mean?

MAX
What doesn’t it mean?

HOLLY
Why don’t you start at the beginning, Giggles?

GIGGLES
Okay.  I was a tumbler, you see.  It didn’t matter if it was a banana peel, an awkwardly placed rope, or even my own rubber shoes.  When the boss man said take a dive, I hit the deck.  On my face or on my back.  It was all the same to me.  I wasn’t feeling anything anyway.

HOLLY
Were you on drugs?

GIGGLES
Cake.

The group gasps.  Jacob scoffs.

GIGGLES (CONT’D)
Six pieces a day.  I had to have one right when I woke up before I could even paint my smile on.

HOLLY
Don’t we all feel like that sometimes?  Like we have to paint our smiles on?

KAREN
If I stop smiling, the squid Martians hear my thoughts.

Max nods.

MAX
Remember, the smile we paint on is the smile we give to ourselves.

JACOB
Oh really isn’t this all a bit much?  You can’t overdose on cake.

MAX
Jacob, this is a caring environment.

LESLIE
That’s right.  We care, Giggles.

MAX
That’s very nice of you to say Leslie.

HOLLY
Giggles, PTSD is a serious condition, one that is often accompanied by other symptoms, such as nightmares or panic attacks.  Have you experienced any of these symptoms?

Giggles squirms in his seat.

GIGGLES
Well, I do have this dream.

HOLLY
Would you be able to share it with us?

The group concurs enthusiastically, while Jacob looks in the other direction.

GIGGLES
Well, alright.  I’m at a birthday party, making balloon animals for the kids.  Suddenly, my fingers get tangled.  They’re in knots, and I can’t pull them apart.  The balloons disappear, and the knots spread to my arms.  I become tangled into myself, and everyone’s looking at me.

The group gasps.  Holly shakes her head while Max puts his fingers to his lips dramatically.  Jacob continues to pout.

GIGGLES (CONT’D)
My fingers wrap around my neck.  I can’t breathe!  I want to scream for help, but I can’t.  They just keep staring.

He begins to weep again.  Leslie pats him on the shoulder.

HOLLY
It’s okay, Giggles.  Everyone, let’s thank Giggles for sharing.

GROUP
Thank you Giggles.

LESLIE
I have that same dream.

JACOB
How can you possibly have the same dream?

HOLLY
Jacob, remember that this is an empathetic environment.  We have to respect each other’s viewpoints no matter our feelings.

LESLIE (to Giggles)
I lost my husband Tom in a car accident six months ago, and sometimes I just felt like my hands were tied, too.

The group nods in agreement.

JACOB
That’s ridiculous.  You can’t compare a metaphor to Ronald McDonald’s dream.

HOLLY
Jason, what did we just say?

MAX (Dramatically)
Remember, something is only ridiculous if we choose to ridicule it.

The group applauds, except for Jacob.

HOLLY
Jacob, you seem a bit stressed.  Maybe opening up to the group would help you feel better.

JACOB
Well…okay.

He stands.

JACOB (CONT’D)
August 2004.  Operation Enduring Freedom.  My unit was patrolling a sector southwest of Kandahar, searching for rebel groups that were active in the area.  We took fire from an elevated position, and my men were pinned behind a ridge.  When we called in the air strike, our coordinates weren’t relayed properly.  The jets came streaking in hot, spraying steel from the sky.  It was all over in seconds.  You know, the army can teach you how to deal with death, but they can’t teach you how to keep living when your team gets mowed down by friendly fire.

Jacob returns to his seat.  The group sits in awed silence.

HOLLY
That is a very powerful story, Jacob.  Thank you for sharing.

GROUP
Thank you, Jacob.

Giggles stands.

GIGGLES
El Paso County Fair, May 2001.

JACOB
Oh God…

MAX
Now Jacob, it’s Giggles’ turn.

GIGGLES
It was Cinco de Mayo, and the smell of chimichangas lingered heavy in the air.  Our troupe was hired to perform at the petting zoo.  It was supposed to be a standard operation.  You know, playing with the children, feeding the animals, serving ice cream cones, et cetera.  It was mayhem from the start.  One of the other clowns took a squirting rose to the face early on.  When I got to his side, he was on the ground, his makeup smeared grotesquely across his face.  I took out my face paints and tried to make it right, but I just couldn’t!

He begins weeping loudly.  The group oohs.  Max shakes his head.

GIGGLES (CONT’D)
(loudly) We lost a lot of good piñatas that day!  Back then, it was just party all the time.  I used to jump out of the shadows at any crowd that would pay me.

Leslie nods.  Giggles shakes his head.

GIGGLES (CONT’D)
That was around the time I started blacking out.  Then one day, I woke up in a car with twenty people I didn’t know!

Gasps from the crowd.  Giggles puts his head in his hands. Jacob is visibly exasperated.

GIGGLES (CONT’D)
I looked down at my oversized parachute pants and comically long rainbow scarf, and I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

LESLIE
I think we all have felt that way at some point.

KAREN
When the alien mothership from Zeta Krypton inserted laser thoughts into my head, I didn’t know who I was either.

MAX
Just remember Giggles, it’s not important WHO you are, but THAT you are.

The group nods.  Jacob jumps from his chair.

JACOB
This has gone on long enough!

HOLLY
Jacob, please.

JACOB
Holly, no! I’m an Iraq war vet who was honorably discharged, and I am not going to sit quietly and pretend that these stories are worthy of compassion or attention!  (pointing to Karen) She’s babbling about starfish people or whatever, (pointing to Max) he thinks quoting fortune cookies is psychiatry, and (pointing to Giggles) this guy thinks cake is cocaine!

Jacob grabs Giggles by the shirt and stands him up roughly. The group watches in stunned silence.

JACOB (CONT’D)
Well I have news for you, Giggles!  You don’t want to be a clown, then be a man!

They stand in silence for a few seconds, Jacob grimacing menacingly at Giggles.  Giggles’ mouth is agape.

GIGGLES
You’re right.

Giggles turns to the others.

GIGGLES (CONT’D)
He’s right.

Giggles turns to Max and Holly.

GIGGLES (CONT’D)
He’s right!

Giggles slowly pulls off his wig and removes his red nose. He turns to the audience, staring into the sky.

GIGGLES (CONT’D)
I’m not a clown! My name is Kevin!  And I am a man!

The group begins clapping and cheering, crowding around Giggles.  Jacob puts his head in his hands.